Trauma and Neurodivergent Coach

Compassionate inquiry Process

1. External Conditions to Maintain

2. The 7 Pillars of Compassionate Inquiry

  1. Faith in the client’s own process.
  2. Faith in your own intuition.
  3. Being present to yourself as you conduct the inquiry.
  4. Taking responsibility for what arises in you during the session, rather than acting it out with the client.
  5. Compassion for yourself and for the client, whatever arises.
  6. Curiosity toward emotions such as anger, disappointment, hurt, or confusion.
  7. Seeing whatever arises not as a problem, but as a treasure to be explored and a teacher if you are willing to learn.

3. Therapeutic Skills to Develop

  1. Create safety.
  2. Attune to the client.
  3. Invite openness.
  4. Encourage authentic feeling.
  5. Give the client lots of space.
  6. Recognize when you are triggered.
  7. Listen to voice, verbal language, and speech patterns.
  8. Notice body language and breathing patterns.
  9. Recognize defense mechanisms.
  10. Acknowledge and validate the client.
  11. Recognize who is speaking (inner child, mature adult, or another part).
  12. Clarify anything not understood.
  13. Mirror the client.
  14. Use appropriate self-disclosure.
  15. Interrupt the client’s story when helpful.
  16. Pay attention to your body and reactions.
  17. Identify unconscious beliefs and explore their origin.
  18. Use teaching stories and quotes when appropriate.
  19. Practice self-compassion and self-care.
  20. Be playful.
  21. Give the client a taste of victory.
  22. Express gratitude.

4. Qualities of the Therapist (Who You Are)

5. Compassionate Inquiry Process (Adapted into Questions & Instructions)

Note: This is not a linear protocol. Move flexibly between these “stepping stones” as appropriate, always guided by safety and attunement.

  1. Engagement & Invitation

    • Greet the client by name.
    • Invite them explicitly into the process of Compassionate Inquiry.

  2. Permission & Safety

    • Ask: “Is it okay if we begin / continue?”
    • Use permission consistently to reinforce safety and agency.

  3. Clarifying the Focus

    • Ask: “What would you like help with right now?”
    • Ask: “What is the question or issue that feels most alive?”

  4. Exploring Functionality

    • If there is a behavior, symptom, or addiction, ask: “What does this give you?” “How does it help you cope or survive?”

  5. Describing the Situation

    • Invite a concrete description: “What happened?” “Who said what?”
    • Keep the focus factual, not interpretive.

  6. Present-Moment Body Awareness

    • Gently guide attention to the body: “What do you notice in your body right now?” “Where do you feel this?”

  7. Staying with Feeling

    • Invite space for felt experience, even without words.
    • Ask: “What feeling is here right now?”
    • Help distinguish between feelings and perceptions or interpretations.

  8. Linking to the Past

    • When appropriate, ask: “Is this the first time you remember feeling this way?”
    • Explore early experiences, especially childhood origins.

  9. Relational Context

    • Ask: “Who did you talk to about this at the time?”
    • If they did not tell their parents, explore gently: “Why not?”

  10. Evoking the Inner Child

    • Invite imagination: “If a child of that age went through this, what would they feel?”

  11. Needs & Attachment

    • Ask: “If this were your child, who would you want them to talk to?”
    • Explore reasons for silence and unmet needs.

  12. Compassion for Coping

    • Ask: “What did this behavior or substance give you?”
    • Normalize the underlying need as human and universal.

  13. Identifying Core Beliefs

    • Ask: “What did you come to believe about yourself at that time?”

  14. Gently Challenging Beliefs

    • Explore alternative explanations: “What else might have been going on for the other person?”

  15. Returning Responsibility

    • Bring focus back to the client: “How does this show up in you now?”
    • Emphasize response-ability rather than blame.

  16. Seeing Possibility

    • Reflect strengths and progress.
    • Invite reframing toward present reality and potential.

  17. Completion

    • Express appreciation: “Thank you for your openness.”

6. Do’s and Don’ts of Compassionate Inquiry

Do’s

Don’ts

7. A practical example to illustrate how a session might looks like

Context

This is a teaching vignette. The therapist cycles through stepping stones fluidly; steps are annotated in brackets to show where they are illustrated.

1) Engagement & Invitation

T: Hi, Anna. I’m glad you’re here. Would you be open to exploring what’s been coming up for you using Compassionate Inquiry today?

C: Yes, I think so.

2) Permission & Safety

T: Before we begin, is it okay if we go slowly and check in with your body along the way? If anything feels too much, we’ll pause.

C: That feels reassuring. Yes.

(Therapist notices breathing soften; maintains calm, grounded presence.)

3) Clarifying the Focus

T: What would you most like help with right now?

C: I keep getting anxious at work. I say yes to everything and then I’m exhausted and resentful.

4) Exploring Functionality

T: When you say yes automatically, what does that give you in the moment?

C: It keeps the peace. People don’t get upset with me.

T: So it protects you from conflict.

C: Exactly.

5) Describing the Situation (Concrete)

T: Can you describe a recent moment when this happened? Just what happened—who said what.

C: My manager asked if I could take on another task. I smiled and said yes, even though my stomach dropped.

6) Present‑Moment Body Awareness

T: As you remember that moment right now, what do you notice in your body?

C: Tightness in my chest. My throat feels closed.

(Therapist slows pace, stays silent for a few breaths.)

7) Staying with Feeling (Feeling vs Perception)

T: Let’s stay with that tightness. What feeling goes with it?

C: Fear.

T: Fear. And if we separate the feeling from the story—what is the fear about?

C: That I’ll disappoint them… that I’ll be seen as difficult.

8) Linking to the Past

T: Is this the first time you remember feeling this kind of fear?

C: No. It feels very old.

T: What’s the earliest time that comes to mind?

C: When I was a kid and my mother would get angry if I said no.

9) Relational Context

T: When that happened back then, who did you talk to about it?

C: No one.

T: Why not?

C: It wouldn’t have helped. She was overwhelmed herself.

(Therapist mirrors without judgment.)

10) Evoking the Inner Child

T: If you imagine a child your age back then in that situation—what would that child feel?

C: Small. Scared. Like love could disappear.

(Client tears up; therapist remains steady.)

11) Needs & Attachment

T: If that were your child feeling that way, who would you want them to talk to.

C: Someone calm. Someone who wouldn’t explode.

T: And the reason you didn’t go to your mother then—can you name it?

C: She wasn’t safe emotionally.

12) Compassion for Coping

T: So saying yes became a way to stay connected and safe. What does it give you now?

C: Temporary relief.

T: And the need underneath—belonging, safety—that’s a very human need.

C: I’ve never thought of it that way. I just thought I was weak.

(Belief softens; therapist validates.)

13) Identifying Core Beliefs

T: Back then, what did you come to believe about yourself?

C: That my needs don’t matter as much as other people’s.

14) Gently Challenging Beliefs

T: When your manager asks for help now, what are some other possible reasons—besides you being responsible for everyone’s comfort?

C: Maybe they just need to distribute work. Maybe they’d be okay with no.

(Client pauses, noticing body shift.)

15) Returning Responsibility (Response‑ability)

T: So today, this isn’t really about your manager. It’s about how that old belief shows up in you now. What choice do you have in this moment?

C: I could pause before answering. Check in with myself.

16) Seeing Possibility

T: I notice you’re already doing something different—feeling your body, questioning the belief. What does that tell you about your capacity?

C: That I’m not powerless. I can learn a new way.

(Therapist reflects possibility without pressure.)

17) Completion

T: Thank you for your openness and courage today. How are you feeling as we close?

C: Lighter. Emotional, but clearer.

T: Let’s stop here and let this settle. We’ll continue at your pace.

8. Teaching Notes (Implicitly Demonstrated)