❓Compassionate Inquiry Questions: short version
Here's a gentle and clear reminder of the core questions and steps used in a Compassionate Inquiry session, as developed by Dr. Gabor Maté.
This approach is somatic, trauma-informed, and relational, aiming to uncover the unconscious beliefs and emotional wounds underlying present difficulties.
🌀 Overall Frame
The essence of Compassionate Inquiry is curiosity, presence, and compassion. You're not trying to "fix" the person, but to gently help them connect with the truth of their experience, especially the felt experience in the body.
🌱 1. Start with the Presenting Issue or Symptom
“What’s going on for you today?”
“What are you noticing right now?”
“What would you like to explore?”
Let the client name a situation, thought, behavior, physical sensation, or emotion they want to explore.
🧭 2. Track the Felt Sense
“Where do you feel that in your body?”
“What does that feel like?”
“Is it tight, heavy, warm, numb…?”
“If that sensation could speak, what would it say?”
This brings attention to the body, bypassing the purely cognitive and opening the door to implicit memory and emotional truth.
🧠 3. Uncover the Meaning the Client Gives It
“What does it mean about you that you feel this way?”
“What do you believe about yourself in this moment?”
This question gently invites out core beliefs formed in childhood.
👶 4. Connect It to the Past
“When did you first feel this way?”
“Who or what does this feeling remind you of?”
“Was there a time when you had to disconnect from yourself to stay safe?”
These questions start linking present triggers to early emotional experiences or adaptations.
🧩 5. Explore the Adaptation
“How did this belief or behavior help you survive?”
“What would have happened if you hadn’t adapted this way?”
This reframes self-judged patterns (e.g., people-pleasing, shutting down) as intelligent survival strategies.
💔 6. Allow Grief and Feeling
“What’s coming up for you as you realize this?”
“Can you stay with that feeling a moment longer?”
“What does that part of you need right now?”
Clients often access grief, anger, or sadness here. The goal is to let the client feel and integrate without bypassing or fixing.
💗 7. Return to the Present with Compassion
“What is it like to be with yourself now?”
“Can you offer compassion to that younger part?”
“What might it be like to show up differently for yourself going forward?”
End the session grounded in presence, agency, and compassion.
🌿 A Few Additional Phrases Gabor Often Uses:
- “What are you not saying that needs to be said?”
- “Who are you trying to please or protect?”
- “Who are you still trying to get love from?”
- “Who did you have to be in order to be accepted?”
- “What are you believing that may not be true?”