❔ IFS - Stages and Questions
Here is a list of IFS (Internal Family Systems)-style questions, organized by stages of the process, from initial contact with parts to deeper healing and unburdening.
This can be useful whether you're self-facilitating or guiding someone else through the process.
🌱 Stage 1: Getting Present and Centered in Self
Goal: Cultivate calm curiosity and separate from blended parts.
- “Is there a part of me that wants attention right now?”
- “What am I feeling in my body?”
- “Who’s most activated right now?”
- “Can I turn toward this part with curiosity instead of judgment?”
- “Is this part taking over (blending)? Can I ask it to give me some space?”
🌟 Stage 2: Getting to Know the Part
Goal: Understand the part’s perspective, without trying to fix or change it.
- “Where do I feel this part in or around my body?”
- “How does it feel toward me?”
- “How do I feel toward it?”
- “What does it want me to know?”
- “What is it afraid would happen if it didn’t do what it’s doing?”
- “How old does this part think I am?”
- “How old does it feel like it is?”
🛡️ Stage 3: Working with Protective Parts
Goal: Understand and build trust with managers and firefighters.
- “What does this part protect me from?”
- “How long has it been doing this job?”
- “Does it trust me to handle things now?”
- “What is it afraid would happen if it stopped?”
- “Would it be willing to let me meet the part it protects?”
💔 Stage 4: Meeting the Exile (Wounded Part)
Goal: Witness and hold space for vulnerable, burdened parts.
- “How does this part feel?”
- “What happened that made it feel this way?”
- “What does it want me to know about its story?”
- “Does it know I’m here with it now?”
- “What does it need from me?”
🔥 Stage 5: Witnessing and Unburdening
Goal: Help the exile release burdens and restore natural qualities.
- “Is this the right time to unburden?”
- “Would this part like to give up these feelings or beliefs?”
- “How does it want to release them? (e.g., into light, wind, water, fire)”
- “What qualities would it like to take in instead?”
- “Can I bring those in now?”
🧶 Stage 6: Integration and Reconnection
Goal: Help all parts adjust and recognize changes.
- “How do the protectors feel now?”
- “Do they see the exile is safe now?”
- “Is there any part that still has concerns?”
- “What do parts need from me moving forward?”
- “How can I stay connected with this part going forward?”