🌍 My Ideal Partner Profile: The Traffic Light Model

21 Aug, 2025

I’m looking for someone I can build a deep, honest, and supportive relationship with.

Yet, because of my own life experience (C-PTSD, autism, ADHD, PDA, and recovery from love addiction), clarity is everything for me, I need to know where we stand, what’s possible, and what is not.

And so, below is my relationship “traffic light model”: what’s a must-have, what’s negotiable, and what’s a deal-breaker.

🟢 GREEN: MUST HAVES (Non-Negotiable Essentials)

These are the things I need in order to feel safe, connected, and able to grow with you:

• Emotional literacy & openness to growth: You either already understand trauma and neurodivergence, or you’re genuinely curious and willing to learn.
• Self-work & accountability: You’re actively working on your own healing or personal growth. You don’t need to be “perfect,” but you need to take responsibility for your patterns.
• Intellectual & creative curiosity: You love exchanging ideas—whether it’s philosophy, art, psychology, spirituality, or world issues.
• Mutual support: You believe in “having each other’s back.” That means sharing resources, offering support when possible, and building interdependence without losing individuality.
• Respectful communication: No stonewalling, no silent treatment, no manipulation. You’re willing to have difficult conversations with kindness.
• Alignment of values: You care about making the world better in some way: whether through activism, creativity, community, or compassion.
• Peace-oriented: You value inner calm, self-reflection, and practices that bring harmony into daily life.

🟡 YELLOW: NEGOTIABLE / NICE TO HAVES

These are qualities that would enrich our relationship but are not strict deal-breakers:

• Shared lifestyle rhythms: It would be nice if our energy levels or routines match, but I know we can negotiate differences.
• Location flexibility: I can live anywhere in the world for the right partner, but I also have stable housing near Plasencia, Spain, which I can share when the timing feels right.
• Similar interests in books/arts/spirituality: I’d love a partner who enjoys reading, creating, or exploring ideas, but it’s enough if you’re simply open to my passions.
• Financial stability: Not mandatory, but I’d prefer someone who has some grounding in how they support themselves or is open to building stability together.
• Travel and openness to relocation: Especially relevant if you’re currently living in a difficult situation (e.g., persecuted minorities, conflict zones, places with limited access to safety and healing).

🔴 RED: ABSOLUTE DEAL BREAKERS

These are things I will not tolerate under any circumstances:

• Stonewalling or shutting me out when things get difficult.
• Disinterest in my inner world—if you don’t care to know me deeply, we’re not a fit.
• Addictions without active recovery (alcohol, drugs, compulsive behaviors).
• Abuse of any kind: emotional, physical, sexual, or financial.
• Contempt or ridicule—especially toward my sensitivity, neurodivergence, or trauma history.
• Rigid gender roles / patriarchal mindset—I seek an equal, respectful partnership, not domination or control.
• Lack of empathy—if compassion doesn’t come naturally or isn’t cultivated, we won’t work.

🌱 What I Bring

• A curious, resilient mind with passions in psychology, philosophy, literature, and spirituality.
• A safe and stable home base in Plasencia, Spain, which I’m open to sharing when trust and timing align.
• Flexibility of location—I work online, so I can relocate for the right person.
• A commitment to mutual growth—I’ll support you in your healing and dreams as you support mine.
• A big heart—I crave closeness, affection, and shared presence, and I’m devoted to nurturing those I love.

✨ Closing thought: If you’re someone who wants to grow together, explore ideas, create, heal, and contribute to a more peaceful world, I’d love to hear from you.

📝 Screening Questionnaire: For Potential Partners

Section 1: Safety & Self-Awareness

1. Do you have any personal experience with trauma, neurodivergence (autism/ADHD), or supporting someone who does?

   • Yes, personal experience
   • Yes, I’ve supported a partner/friend/family member
   • No direct experience, but I’m curious and open to learning
   • Not really interested in that

2. When you feel triggered, stressed, or overwhelmed in a relationship, what do you usually do? (open response)

3. How do you usually handle conflict?

   • I tend to withdraw and need time
   • I want to talk it through immediately
   • I try to repair, even if it’s uncomfortable
   • Other: ______

4. How do you usually try to repair after a conflict? (open response)

Section 2: Communication & Connection

5. Do you enjoy long conversations about ideas, philosophy, psychology, or creativity?

   • Yes, very much
   • Sometimes, depends on the topic
   • Not really

6. How do you show curiosity about your partner’s inner world? (open response)

7. If I say “I need a break, I’ll reach out when I’m ready,” how would you respond? (open response)

8. Do you believe in written agreements / structures (like weekly check-ins, or writing things down so we remember)?

   • Yes, I find that helpful
   • I could adapt to it
   • No, I don’t like structure in relationships

Section 3: Lifestyle & Practicalities

9. Are you open to living in or spending time in Spain (Plasencia / Extremadura)?

   • Yes, I’d love that
   • Possibly, depending on circumstances
   • Not interested in living in Spain

10. What is your current work/life setup? (remote, location-based, stable/unstable) (open response)

11. Are you comfortable living in or sharing a vegan home?

• Yes
• I could adapt, even if I’m not vegan
• No

12. How do you usually manage shared household responsibilities (cleaning, cooking, finances)? (open response)

Section 4: Values & Growth

13. Do you have a personal growth practice (therapy, support groups, meditation, journaling, etc.)?

• Yes, ongoing
• Sometimes
• Not really, but I’m open to starting
• Not interested

14. What role does compassion, service, or making the world better play in your life? (open response)

15. What does “peace” mean to you, and how do you cultivate it in daily life? (open response)

16. Are you currently dealing with any addictions (alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, gambling, etc.)?

• No
• Yes, but I am in recovery
• Yes, but not in recovery

Section 5: Deal-Breakers & Boundaries

17. Would you ever use the silent treatment, ghosting, or stonewalling as a way to cope in conflict?

• No, never
• Maybe, if I felt overwhelmed
• Yes, I think it’s sometimes necessary

18. How do you respond when your partner says “no” to something important to you (sex, time, money, etc.)? (open response)

19. Do you believe in equal partnership (not based on rigid gender roles)?

• Yes
• Unsure
• No

20. If you disagreed strongly with me on something important, how would you handle it? (open response)

✅ Optional Final Question: What draws you to me, specifically?