🌀 Shame Spiral & Self-Doubt

04 Jul, 2025

This place of shame-spiral mixed with self-doubt is incredibly painful—and also familiar terrain for trauma survivors. When you say:

"I am scared I might be delusional and have so many red flags I am not even aware of... and yet nobody will be kind or open enough to tell me..."

—what I hear is a scared, young part who just wants the truth, even if it’s painful, as long as it’s told with love.

She’s tired of being blindsided, judged behind her back, or whispered about. She just wants someone to look her in the eyes and say, “You’re okay. You’re not a monster. You’re human. And you’re safe here.”

Let’s talk to her now.

🧠🫀 Dialogue: Self & Shameful, Scared Part

[Context: You’re in a calm room, sitting across from a younger, scared version of you. She avoids your gaze. Her hands are fidgeting. She looks like she’s bracing for impact.]

SELF: Hey. I see you sitting there all curled up. You’ve been holding a lot. Want to tell me what’s going on?

YOUNGER PART: What if I’m completely wrong about myself? What if I’m so weird, or annoying, or unfit for this work… and everyone sees it but no one wants to say it? I’m scared people are just tolerating me. Or laughing behind my back. I’m scared I’m too broken to be trusted.

SELF: That’s so painful to carry. I feel it in my chest just hearing you. You’re not crazy for feeling this way. I know what it’s like to be left out, doubted, talked about but not told the truth. You didn’t deserve that. It makes sense that now, when people are quiet or distant, it feels like danger again.

YOUNGER PART: So what if I am delusional? What if I think I’m smart or kind or capable—but I’m not? What if I’ve been building this whole life on a lie?

SELF: Even if there are things we don’t see yet—everyone has blind spots. That’s not a flaw. That’s just being human. The difference now is: I’m here. I’m listening. I won’t throw you away. We’re not doing this alone in the dark anymore.

YOUNGER PART: But what if people are annoyed with me? What if I talk too much, or I make them uncomfortable and they’re just being polite?

SELF: Sometimes people will feel that way. That’s life. But that doesn’t mean you’re unsafe or unworthy. Some people just won’t be your people. That’s not rejection—that’s clarity.

What is true, is that you care. So much. And sometimes that gets tangled up with shame. But even your worst moments don’t cancel out your goodness.

YOUNGER PART: I feel like I don’t deserve to exist sometimes. I want to disappear when I feel like this.

SELF: I’m so sorry. I know that feeling too well. But even when you feel like disappearing… you’re still welcome here. You don’t have to earn your right to exist. You were always meant to be here. Not because of how productive or polished you are. But because you’re you. And I won’t abandon you.

YOUNGER PART: …What if I never get better?

SELF: Then I’ll stay with you through it all. Getting “better” was never the point. Being with you fully, kindly, lovingly—that’s the real work.

🧠🫀 Dialogue Continued: SELF & Younger Part

We’ll start with a quiet pause, like you’re both sitting together again. Maybe the younger part feels slightly more seen now, but she still has more to say.

SELF: Hey... I’m still here. I know some of what you’re carrying has been hidden deep for a long time. I want to understand more. What do you need from me now?

YOUNGER PART: I need to know I’m not bad. Not just in words… I need to feel it. I need you to stop trying to improve me all the time. I know you mean well, but sometimes I think you just want to fix me so I’ll stop embarrassing you.

SELF: Wow. That’s so honest. Thank you for trusting me with that. You're right—it’s true I sometimes push you too hard. I get scared too, and I forget you don’t need fixing. You need safety. Acceptance. Love. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like a problem.

YOUNGER PART: I want to be wanted. As I am. Even when I’m messy. Even when I’m too much. Even when I don’t say things the right way.

I’m so tired of trying to be good enough all the time. I’m tired of watching everyone else be trusted, while I feel like the broken one in the corner.

SELF: You don’t have to earn your place. You never did.

I want you. Mess and all. Silences and all. Weirdness and all. You’re not the broken one in the corner. You’re the one who’s been carrying more than anyone could see—and still trying to show up with love.

You’re strong in ways most people can’t even imagine.

YOUNGER PART: But I’m still scared. What if I ruin everything? What if people see the real me and walk away?

SELF: Then we’ll grieve, and keep going. Together. If people walk away, it says more about their capacity than your worth. We will not abandon ourselves again, no matter what others do.

And I promise you this: We are allowed to be learning, awkward, slow, unsure… and still deserving of love. We get to belong, even when we’re still healing.

YOUNGER PART: …Can I rest for a while? Can you hold me, without trying to teach me anything?

SELF: Yes. No more lessons. No fixing. Just being here with you. You can rest now. I’ll keep watch. I’m not going anywhere. 🫂