😢 Struggles with Meaningless Suffering

22 Jun, 2025

There are things that happen in the world that can be really hard to deal with for some people.

A. Why Do Some People Struggle More with the Meaninglessness and Cruelty of Suffering?

🔬 1. Neurobiology & Temperament

• High sensitivity (Sensory Processing Sensitivity): People with more sensitive nervous systems (often correlated with autism, trauma, or HSP traits) are biologically more reactive to environmental stimuli—including witnessing or imagining suffering.
• Lower tolerance for uncertainty: Some brains are wired to seek coherence. When suffering feels senseless or unjust, it creates cognitive and emotional dissonance that these individuals find very hard to sit with.
• Mirror neuron activity: Empathic people often show higher mirror neuron activity—they feel the pain of others more directly in their own bodies.

🧠 2. Cognitive & Existential Style

• Existential thinkers: People prone to philosophical questioning, introspection, or meaning-seeking tend to dwell more on these issues. They don’t accept things at face value.
• Need for coherence: Some individuals cannot function well unless the world makes moral, spiritual, or logical sense. When it doesn’t, they fall into existential despair or rage.
• Low compartmentalization: Some people can “compartmentalize” cruelty or meaninglessness and move on. Others—like you—can’t separate suffering "out there" from what they feel "in here."

🧍‍♀️ 3. Personal History & Trauma

• Childhood trauma or neglect: Early exposure to injustice or harm without repair often leads to a lifelong difficulty tolerating suffering. It's not just empathy—it's a body memory.
• Moral injury: People who were betrayed by caregivers, religious institutions, or systems that were supposed to protect them often become acutely aware of—and deeply disturbed by—any form of betrayal or cruelty in the world.
• Survivor guilt: Those who lived through something horrific and survived may carry guilt or hyper-awareness of suffering, unable to justify why they’re safe when others weren’t.

🌍 4. Cultural and Social Positioning

• Privileged upbringing (paradoxically): Some people struggle more because they were raised with ideals of fairness, justice, and order. Reality later comes as a shock.
• Marginalized identities: Others suffer more because they were born into systems of oppression or violence and have a lived, embodied experience of suffering being real and unavoidable.
• Isolation in belief: If you're surrounded by people who "move on" or dismiss suffering, your refusal to do so makes you feel more alone and disturbed by it. The lack of communal processing deepens the pain.

📖 Thinkers, Writers, and Philosophers Who Struggled with This

Here are people across disciplines who couldn’t accept meaningless suffering and wrestled with it deeply:

🧠 Philosophical Voices

• Albert Camus: In The Myth of Sisyphus, he describes how absurd it is to live in a world without inherent meaning, yet calls for defiance: “The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.”
• Simone Weil: A mystic and philosopher who felt the suffering of the world in her bones. She believed attention to suffering is a form of prayer. She died from starvation in solidarity with war victims.
• Emil Cioran: Deeply nihilistic, he wrote about how the existence of pain invalidated any kind of divine plan. He didn’t resolve it—he wrote through it, in dark, poetic reflections.
• Hannah Arendt: Wrote about the banality of evil after observing Eichmann’s trial. She realized that horrifying things happen not because of monstrous people—but because ordinary people conform.

✝️ Spiritual and Religious Thinkers

• Fyodor Dostoevsky: In The Brothers Karamazov, one character Ivan says he can accept God—but not the torture of a single child. This passage haunts many. Dostoevsky doesn’t resolve it, but invites the reader into that unbearable paradox.
• Elie Wiesel: Holocaust survivor. His book Night is a spiritual scream: where is God in the camps? His answer: sometimes, He hangs with the child on the gallows.
• Julian of Norwich: Lived through the Black Death and said, “All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” But it was not optimism—it was mystical, hard-won trust after facing unbearable suffering.

🎨 Artists & Poets

• Frida Kahlo: Lived with chronic pain and emotional suffering. Her art never spiritualized it—it showed the rawness and surrealism of enduring.
• Rainer Maria Rilke: Wrote about beauty and terror being one. In The Duino Elegies: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
• Virginia Woolf: Sensitive to the brutality of life and mental illness, her works reflect the undercurrents of existential fragility.

📚 Recommendations (Writers Who Explored or Helped Others Navigate This)

1. “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” – Harold Kushner A Jewish rabbi who lost his son. He gives permission to let go of the idea of a controlling God while still holding spiritual meaning.

2. “Man’s Search for Meaning” – Viktor Frankl Holocaust survivor who said we cannot avoid suffering, but we can choose how we relate to it. It’s not about acceptance—it’s about bearing it with dignity.

3. “The Body Keeps the Score” – Bessel van der Kolk Connects trauma with our capacity to endure or understand suffering. May help you realize why your body protests so much.

4. “The Sunflower” – Simon Wiesenthal A Holocaust memoir about forgiveness and whether some evils can be forgiven. It includes responses from thinkers of all faiths and disciplines.

5. “Grief is the Thing with Feathers” – Max Porter A poetic, raw meditation on grief, fatherhood, and being haunted by loss and senseless pain.

🔄 Differences in people

Some people can’t look suffering in the face. Others can’t not look. Both positions are human—but the second group often includes artists, prophets, mystics, trauma survivors, and those whose hearts have been broken open.

If you are in that group, just know that you’re not alone, even if it feels like it. You’re walking a path many others have walked, and their words are there like stones in the river—steadying you as you cross.

B. And what do you about the suffering of the world?

This is complex question—one that sits at the heart of what many spiritual teachers, trauma survivors, philosophers, and activists have wrestled with across centuries, because...

How do we balance inner healing with outer responsibility? And how do we know when to act, when to grieve, and when to rest?

Let’s explore this step-by-step from a few perspectives, and I’ll give you specific questions to help guide discernment between internal regulation and external action.

🌓 First: Neither Extreme is Whole Alone

• Only healing yourself while others suffer can become spiritual bypassing, narcissism, or detachment.
• Only focusing outward can become burnout, codependence, or performative activism—often rooted in unhealed pain.

Both are partial truths. Real wholeness lies in their integration—in knowing when to feel, when to rest, and when to move.

🔍 Key Discernment Questions to Ask Yourself

These will help you notice whether it’s time to turn inward or act outward:

🧘‍♀️ WHEN TO REGULATE / TURN INWARD:

1. Is this pain activating old wounds that distort my clarity?

   If yes, tend to the inner pain first. Reaction without regulation can do more harm than good.

2. Am I trying to fix the world so I don’t have to feel my own helplessness?

   If yes, pause. Let yourself grieve or rest.

3. Am I seeking action to escape shame or earn worth?

   If the impulse is coming from fear of being selfish or “not doing enough,” let that part be held. Action from shame rarely heals.

4. Can I act with grounded clarity—or am I frantic, angry, or dissociated?

   Regulate first. Then revisit whether action is needed.

🌍 WHEN TO ACT / TURN OUTWARD:

1. Is this a situation where silence equals complicity?

   If yes, even small action matters—like naming, witnessing, or setting a boundary.

2. Is someone (or something) vulnerable in immediate danger, and do I have the capacity to help without self-harming?

   If yes, act. Compassion with boundaries is power.

3. Do I keep waiting to be “fully healed” before acting?

   If yes, consider that wholeness includes imperfection. Sometimes we grow through acting.

4. Is there a small action I can take that aligns with my values and my current capacity?

   Then do that. Tiny action is still sacred.

🧭 Some Practical Wisdom Traditions on This Balance

✝️ Christian Perspective

• Jesus often retreated to pray before making big decisions or helping others. He rested, wept, prayed, ate with friends, and then served radically.
• “Love your neighbor as yourself” implies a balance—your healing matters so you can love well.

🧘‍♂️ Buddhist Perspective

• Suffering is inevitable, but compassionate action (bodhisattva path) is a response from inner stillness, not reactivity.
• You don’t “fix” the world—you meet it skillfully.

🧠 Trauma-Informed Psychology

• Acting while dysregulated is often re-enactment, not healing.
• But never acting can also be a trauma response (freeze or fawn).
• Integration comes when you act from choice, not compulsion.

🗣️ Activist and Ethical Perspective

• Audre Lorde: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
• MLK Jr.: Preached fierce nonviolence—but never inaction. Inner love + outer courage = transformation.

🧘‍♀️ How Much is Under Our Control?

Let’s divide this simply:

That’s why discernment is more helpful than control. You don’t need to control the world—just your response to it, moment by moment.

🌀 Practical Process for Balancing Inner & Outer Work

1. Feel first. Check if the pain is yours, the world’s, or both. Let it speak.

2. Regulate before acting. Even a few breaths, a walk, or grounding touch helps.

3. Ask the questions above. Especially: “Is this the time to listen, or to move?”

4. Take small, aligned action. Not performative, not destructive. Just one step. Repeat.

5. Rest. Then return again. The work is ongoing, and you're allowed to pause.

✨ Want to Practice This Together?

If you’re facing a specific decision—whether to speak out, step back, help someone, or stay silent—we could walk through the process together.

Or I can offer some journal prompts or inner dialogue script to help you work with this in your own rhythm.

You don’t need to get it perfect. You just need to stay in relationship—with your own truth, and with the world.