🥵 The dangers of caring too much as a Mental Health worker

23 Jun, 2025

Many people who work in Mental Health professions or deal with suffering (animal shelters, NGO, care-takers, church pastors, etc), are at higher risk of burn out and Secondary Trauma or Compassion fatigue.

🤔 How can they become more aware and discern when they need to take a break?

The right mindset to help without sacrificing yourself involves shifting from wounded witness to resourced companion.

Here’s how we can approach it, in a structured, trauma-informed way:

🔐 Core Principle: Compassion Requires Boundaries

Empathy without boundaries becomes enmeshment. Compassion with boundaries becomes sustainable care.

You are not here to absorb people’s trauma—you’re here to bear witness, co-regulate, and support their capacity to hold themselves. That shift is everything.

🧠 1. Understand the Risk: What is Secondary Trauma?

• Secondary Trauma: Happens when you start to carry the emotional residue of others' suffering in your body and nervous system.
• Signs: Feeling exhausted, numb, overwhelmed, sad for no reason, dissociated, or like their stories live in you.
• My Profile for example (Autism + C-PTSD + PDA): Makes me more likely to merge emotionally and less likely to "switch off" or compartmentalize.

And you might struggle with similar isses. If so, your prevention needs to be intentional, ritualized, and protective.

🛡️ 2. Build an Empathic Boundary Ritual

Before any session, interaction, or group with highly traumatized people, do this 5-minute prep:

⏳ BEFORE: Prepare Your Field

1. Ground into your self:

   • Put a hand on your body (chest, belly, etc.)
   • Remind yourself: “This is me. That is them.”

2. Visualize an energetic boundary:

   • Imagine a soft but strong membrane around you.
   • Like a golden bubble or a filter: you can perceive, but not absorb.

3. Set an intention:

   • Example: “I will listen with compassion, but not carry what is not mine.”

🔄 DURING: Stay Regulated in the Moment

1. Track your own body:

   • If you start to feel dizzy, numb, or panicked, that’s a cue. Pause.

2. Use objects or anchors:

   • Keep a cold glass, a grounding stone, or even a chair with armrests to help your body know “this is safe.”

3. Breathe intentionally:

   • Use a long exhale while listening. It tells your vagus nerve: “I’m safe. This is not happening to me.”

🌊 AFTER: Reset and Release

1. Shake it off physically:

   • Literally. Bounce, shake your arms, walk, or stretch to move energy.

2. Name what’s not yours:

   • “Their grief is real, but it’s not mine to hold.” Say it out loud or write it.

3. Touch a good memory or something beautiful:

   • You must give your nervous system contrast. Go outside. Pet an animal. Listen to something soothing or sacred.

📌 3. Build Structural Boundaries Too

These aren’t selfish—they’re protective measures for trauma-informed helpers:

Repeat to yourself: 👉 “I am a companion, not a savior.”

🌱 4. Reframe Helping as Co-Regulation, Not Rescue

You don’t need to fix anyone. You just need to stay present and safe while they unfold.

Think of yourself as a campfire:

• You provide warmth and light.
• But if someone is cold, they come close, not inside the fire.
• If they sit too long, they move away to cool off.

You are not a sponge. You are a fire.

🧘‍♀️ 5. Ask These Discernment Questions Regularly:

1. Am I crossing the line from empathy into enmeshment?

2. Am I trying to save them to avoid my own feelings of helplessness?

3. Did I leave this session feeling energized, drained, or frozen?

4. Am I neglecting my own regulation rituals and joyful practices?

5. What part of me is trying to help them—my regulated adult, or my wounded child?

🔄 6. Keep a Rhythm of Integration

You’ll need regular rest, fun, and companionship with people who don’t need help. That’s what replenishes you and reminds your system of the beauty outside trauma.

Make space for:

• Peer support or supervision (you don’t need to carry this alone)
• Joyful solitude: sensory soothing, art, reading, walks
• Play and pleasure: You’re not just a helper—you’re a human

And you can help others transform—but only if you remain whole.

🩺 Part 1: Triage List for When to Refer Out or Pause Helping

This list is your emotional safety net—a tool to keep you from pushing past your limits or taking on what isn't yours to carry.

You can print it, use it before/after sessions, or just glance at it weekly.

🔥 Triage: Red Flags That It’s Time to Pause or Refer Out

⚠️ Client-Related Flags

• They’re in active crisis (e.g. suicidal ideation, self-harm, domestic violence).
• They show serious dissociation, psychosis, or are ungrounded most of the session.
• They regularly trauma-dump without permission, leaving you overwhelmed.
• They ask you to play the role of therapist, savior, or emergency hotline.
• You notice you’re their only emotional support and they’re becoming dependent.

→ 🟨 Your Response: Gently affirm your limits and suggest a therapist, crisis service, or local trauma-informed resource.

Example phrase:

“I care deeply about you, and I want to be helpful in a way that’s also safe for both of us. I think this kind of support might be better held by someone professionally trained to guide crisis work. Would you be open to exploring that with me?”

🧍‍♀️ Your Internal Flags

• You feel numb, frozen, panicked, or disoriented after the session.
• You find yourself ruminating about them long after it’s over.
• You’re having nightmares, somatic symptoms, or shutdowns that weren’t present before.
• You’re beginning to feel resentful, guilty, or emotionally responsible for their progress.
• You realize you’re giving more than you’re receiving in your own life.

→ 🟨 Your Response: Take a break. Cancel sessions if needed. Debrief with a peer. Shift to a holding pattern until you feel more resourced.

✅ Safe Criteria for Continuing Support

You can keep going if:

• You feel grounded and resourced before and after sessions.
• You’re able to hold compassionate presence without carrying their pain.
• They have other supports in place (therapist, group, family, etc.).
• You feel a sense of mutual respect, boundaries, and choice in the dynamic.
• There’s growth happening on both sides, even if it’s slow.

📆 Part 2: Weekly Self-Check-In for Trauma-Adjacent Helpers

Set aside 10–15 minutes once a week (Sundays are ideal if you’re organizing group work that day). You can journal your answers or just reflect.

🌡️ REGULATION CHECK

• What has my nervous system felt like this week? Calm? Tense? Shaky? Hyperactive? Shut down?

• Have I been using soothing or grounding tools regularly?

• Did I feel centered and clear in the sessions I held this week?

🛑 BOUNDARY & CAPACITY CHECK

• Did I say yes to anything that felt like a no in my body?

• Did I experience any resentment, dread, or emotional fatigue toward helping this week?

• Is anyone starting to depend on me in a way that feels unhealthy or draining?

🪞 INTENTION & EGO CHECK

• Am I helping to be of service, or am I trying to rescue, fix, or be liked?

• Did I overfunction or feel overly responsible for someone else's process?

• What part of me is leading the helping work right now? Wounded inner child, wise adult, inner critic, performer, mystic, etc.

🧘‍♀️ CARE & RESTORATION CHECK

• Did I experience beauty, play, joy, or awe this week?

• Did I spend time with people who don’t need anything from me?

• What would bring me nourishment this coming week? Touch, nature, solitude, laughter, art, music, silence, dance, God?

✨ INTEGRITY CHECK

• Did I hold space this week in a way that felt aligned with my values?

• Do I feel proud of how I showed up?

• If not, what small thing can I adjust next time?

❤️ Final Question

What do I need to feel more safe, whole, and resourced next week?

You can write this in bold at the top of your planner or calendar as a reminder.