🚫 Why Blocking people is sometimes needed

21 Aug, 2025

For many people, ending a relationship is a painful but relatively straightforward process. They may unfollow an ex on social media, take time to heal, and eventually move on. But for those of us with complex trauma, love addiction, ADHD, autism, PDA, and other vulnerabilities, things rarely work that smoothly. Blocking often becomes the only way to protect ourselves—and it isn’t about cruelty or immaturity. It’s about survival.

The Root of the Struggle: Distrust of Self

When you’ve experienced trauma, especially relational trauma, you often carry a deep distrust of your own capacity to let go. In my case, once an attachment formed, it took years to loosen its grip—even when I knew the relationship was harmful or hopeless. The intellectual knowledge that “this isn’t working” was never enough. My nervous system kept pulling me back toward the familiar, even when the familiar was hurting me.

That’s why blocking is not about punishing the other person—it’s about creating the conditions where I don’t sabotage myself. Without that clean break, I know my impulse-driven brain and my craving for closeness will override reason. I will text back. I will agree to meet “just one more time.” And I’ll be back in the spiral.

When Others Don’t Understand

It doesn’t help that many people—sometimes even the ones we’re trying to let go of—don’t understand how fragile this process can be.

Take my last experience: after I told a man how difficult it was for me to detach, and how painful it felt to say goodbye, he suggested we spend one final weekend together. For me, that would not be a “last hurrah”—it would be pouring fuel on the fire.

But for him, perhaps it was about squeezing the last bit of intimacy from the connection before moving on to the next woman. His needs were centered; my boundaries felt invisible.

This dynamic is common. People without these vulnerabilities may genuinely not grasp how deeply we bond, or they may act out of selfishness, chasing short-term gratification while disregarding our long-term healing.

Why Blocking Helps

Blocking becomes necessary because:

1. It removes temptation – For those with impulsivity and love addiction, even a single notification can derail weeks of healing.
2. It enforces boundaries – Instead of relying on willpower (which trauma brains often struggle with), blocking externalizes the boundary.
3. It breaks the trauma bond – Contact, even hostile or indifferent contact, can reinforce unhealthy attachments. Blocking starves the bond of new material.
4. It reduces cognitive load – ADHD and PDA make it hard enough to manage daily life; keeping someone in the background, wondering if they’ll reach out, drains energy we desperately need elsewhere.
5. It signals self-respect – Blocking can feel like reclaiming power: “I will no longer give you access to my most vulnerable self.”

Different Scenarios Where Blocking Is Protective

• Love addiction & impulsivity: The compulsion to reach out can override rational judgment. Blocking is like locking the liquor cabinet for an alcoholic.
• Autism & trauma: Because autistic people may struggle with closure and black-and-white thinking, keeping a door “half open” prolongs pain. A hard stop, though harsh, is clearer and more manageable.
• C-PTSD: Trauma survivors often experience emotional flashbacks when triggered by an ex. Even a short message can throw us into days of dysregulation.
• PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance): When others pressure us (even subtly) into more contact, our nervous system may feel trapped, leading to panic, shutdown, or collapse. Blocking preempts this dynamic.
• Craving for affection: When loneliness hits, the brain will grasp for any scraps of closeness. Blocking protects us from running back to what hurts simply because it’s available.

A Compassionate Frame

Blocking is often misunderstood as cold, dramatic, or childish. But for many of us, it is a profound act of self-compassion. It is saying:

“I know myself well enough to understand my limits. I choose to close the door not because I hate you, but because I need to love and protect me.”

Healing from trauma and love addiction isn’t about proving you can “handle it.” It’s about creating environments where healing is possible at all. For some of us, that starts with one decisive action: block, breathe, and move forward.

Closing Thought If you are someone who has felt ashamed of blocking, or worried you’re being “too much,” remember: you are protecting your most tender self. You’re breaking cycles that once trapped you for years. That is not weakness—it is courage.